>> I'm on Reply All episode #41 What It Looks Like talking about depression and the internet. 
>> subscribe to my tinyletter for (very) occasional delights

 

~~SELECTED WRITING~~

LONG FORM, FEATURES, etc.

HOW JUKIN MEDIA BUILT A VIRAL VIDEO EMPIRE New York Times Magazine 01.01.17 NEW! 
Room full of millennials watching cat videos for pay

The 24-Year-Old Coca-Cola Virgin Eater 09.07.16
My first-ever Coke and my first-ever feature!

0 Miles to Wall Drug VICE Broadly 08.14.15
A half-day at the world's largest drugstore

SHORT FORM, ESSAYS, etc.

LOOK AGAIN New York Times Magazine 11.10.16 NEW!
For the Design Issue! Toilet redesign collaboration with designer Mathieu Lehanneur

Containing Myself Lucky Peach 03.18.16
On hoarding empty yogurt containers. 

"Trap Queen" by Fetty Wap New York Times Magazine 03.13.16
For the Music Issue! Is "Trap Queen" feminist? Who cares.... 

Letter of Recommendation: Mack's Earplugs New York Times Magazine 10.18.15
For tactical training, nightclubs, sleeping, blogging, etc. 

DEPRESSIONGRAMS The Message 09.23.15
A photo essay about depression and Instagram

The Penis on Page 602 of the 1975 Fall/Winter Sears Catalog The Message 09.11.15 
Viral memes, the past, what the internet feels like, etc. 

 

HUMOR WRITING

I'm a Hat Person Now NY Mag's The Cut 02.05.16
Please update your records. 

Extreme Self-Care for Modern Ladies Vice's Broadly 08.04.15
Buy a bath bomb at Lush. Buy a real bomb and plant it. 

Your Contribution to the California Drought and End Times The Awl 05.29.15
Maybe you should have considered this before you asked to be born.

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 



Towards A Theory of Fall Fuckability The Hairpin 08.31.15
Everyone wants to fuck me in the fall. 

How to Buy The Best Candle in Brooklyn NY Mag's The Cut 08.25.15
A consumer odyssey for self actualization.  

The Search for the Next Eating Ass Gawker 07.10.15
2014 broke the baseball metaphor, where do we go from here? 

How to Sweat and Like It NY Mag's The Cut 07.01.15
Runner up to a silica gel packet for World's Driest Woman

Spice Up Your Love Life With These Crazy Dates The Hairpin 06.11.15
Tips for coping with coital existential boredom

How to Be Spiritual If You're Not The Awl 05.18.15
Help you contend with your protracted crawl towards death. 

How to Optimize Your Flesh Prison The Awl 04.13.15
Identity politics, shopping, etc. 


 

Artisanal Teen Drinking Cocktails The Hairpin 05.26.15
Drinking this will make you popular just do it. 

A Millennial Revenge Fantasy The Hairpin 04.14.15
DODO FUCKBOYS, PREPARE TO HUMBLE YOURSELF. 

Acceptable Catcalls The Awl 04.20.15
Hey baby, you look like someone who really knows how to PROCESS things. 

Welcome to Fourth Wave Coffee The Hairpin 01.27.15
The WiFi password is MORTALITY, all caps.

 

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